


Follow Rivers

by surveycorpsjean



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Disassociation, Multi, OT4, Panic Attacks, Polyamory, bokuakakurotsuki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 12:01:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6423178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/surveycorpsjean/pseuds/surveycorpsjean
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto is obsessive. </p><p>He knows this. He knows he’s loud, and clingy, and always in their faces. </p><p>He knows. But he can’t stop. He loves them, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zale wanted angsty bokuto pov, so im here to deliver 
> 
>  
> 
> *jazz hands*

He loves them.

He loves them with his whole heart- his entire soul. They’re all he thinks about. They’re all he cares about.

He just wants to be near them. He wants to sit at their feet, and hear them speak. He wants to make them smile, he wants to buy them nice things. He wants to wipe the tears from their faces; he wants to hold them when they’re weak, and carry them when they can’t fight on.

Bokuto is obsessive.

He knows this. He knows he’s loud, and clingy, and always in their faces.

He _knows_. But he can’t stop. He _loves_ them, after all.

They’re very good to him. They tolerate his dependent nature. 

Because they love him. They _love_ him. They love him.

Bokuto says it to himself every day. Not just once, or twice. He thinks it all the time. He thinks it as he watches Tsukishima play piano. He thinks it as he listens to Akaashi sing. He thinks it as he feels Kuroo press his face into his neck.

He tells himself _they love me, they love me-_ because if Bokuto forgets, he’ll never forgive himself.

* * *

 

He wakes up to the sound of bacon, sizzling in a pan. Its a fimilar sound- so he eagerly crawls out of bed. Kuroo is asleep, head smooshed between the pillows, and Bokuto resists the urge to squeeze his exposed thigh and wake him up.

He pitter patters into the kitchen, and his heart swells as soon as he sees Akaashi. His heart always does that. Silly heart.

 “Akaashi.” He purrs, and wraps his arms around his waist as he cooks. The younger jumps, nearly jerking the pan.

He elbows Bokuto, and the elder coughs. He spins around to glare, “Bokuto!!”

“S-sorry.” Bokuto presses a hand up against his ribs. Akaashi is crazy strong.

Akaashi sighs, and pinches the bridge of his nose. He turns back around, and says, “Bo, you can’t scare me like that- especially when I’m cooking. It’s dangerous.”

“Sorry…” Bokuto says again, and shifts his weight back and forth between his feet. “Uh, is there anything I can help with?”

“No, it’s fine.” Akaashi says, and doesn’t look up from the pan.

_Go away._

That’s what he really means, right? Bokuto gets it, its fine.

“Okay.” He pipes, and turns on his heel, “Be sure to let me know if you need help!”

“Will do, babe.” Akaashi replies in a steady voice. Bokuto takes a deep breath, and waddles out into the livingroom.

The voice. It speaks.

_“You annoyed him.”_

But Bokuto pushes it away, and smiles to himself.

_Ma_ _ybe! But he still loves me anyways!_

He looks around, and grins when he spots his blonde lover.

Tsukishima is in his typical blogging position, laptop whirring above a tall pile of pillows on his lap. Bokuto hops over to the couch, and skootches closer, saying, “Tsukki! Whatcha’ doin’?”

Tsukishima looks at him out of the corner of his eye, for just a second, before he turns back to the computer, expressionless. He deadpans, “I’ve been reading about Thanatology for the past two hours.”

“What is that?”

“The study of death.”

“Oh.” Bokuto says, and tries to scootch a little closer. He knows Tsukishima doesn’t like people watching him over his shoulder- but he does it anyways. He just wants to be close to him- he wants to feel his body heat, feel his smooth skin beneath his cheek, and breathe in the familiar smell of his neck. Bokuto gets the response he expects; a glare, and a poke to the ribs.

He grunts- its still sore from where Akaashi elbowed him. He sits back, and Tsukishima looks to his computer, as if Bokuto wasn’t even there.

He pulls his knees to his chest, and reaches for the remote. Tsukishima isn’t really that talkative, so, it’s fine. Bokuto doesn’t care. He loves him. It’s fine.

If anything, he’s happy just sitting at his side.

He clicks on the T.V., and Tsukishima lets out a sigh. He immediately snaps his laptop shut, and moves to stand.

“Ah,” Bokuto blinks, “Wait, sorry. I’ll turn it off-“

“It’s fine.” Tsukishima says, collecting his half eaten bag of gummy worms, and shoving his laptop beneath his arm, “I’ll just go sit in my room.”

Bokuto says, slowly, “Oh…okay.” He watches Tsukishima leave the room, and presses down the disappointment in his chest.

 _I’m an adult._ He thinks, and tries to focus on the T.V. _And they are also adults. Who need space. It’s okay._

It’s not long until Akaashi calls, _breakfast is ready!_ \- and soon, all his problems are washed away, sad thoughts replaced by good food.

* * *

 

Bokuto swings his hands as he walks. He’s happy. So, so happy.

It’s gym day, and he’s always so excited to spend an hour or two with Kuroo. They make jokes and laugh and flirt and encourage each other and it’s really refreshing. Bokuto needs that time- he’s come to really rely on it. It keeps him stable. Sane.

He knocks on Kuroo’s door, twice; “Babe? Are you ready to go?”

He waits, and waits. He waits, until he goes _wait this is my room too-_  and opens the door.

The room is empty.

Bokuto blinks, and looks around. He sets down his bag, and waddles around the bedroom. Kuroo isn’t in the bed, or the closet, and he hasn’t become a contortionist overnight, because he isn’t in any of the drawers.

Bokuto double checks them anyways.

He walks back out into the apartment. It’s empty today; Tsukishima and Akaashi usually go grocery shopping while they’re at the gym.

Bokuto and Kuroo aren’t allowed to go grocery shopping together, because of a few reasons.

He looks around their empty home, and feels himself grow anxious.

_Is he okay? Did he get kidnaped? Fuck. Kuroo is really hot. I bet he got kidnapped by like, beauty-seeking aliens, and now they’re gonna’ dissect his brain through his ears._

The voice almost speaks. _Almost._ Bokuto keeps it back. He’s okay. He’s okay. 

He sits for a moment, before he thinks _Kuroo wouldn’t leave me without telling me._   _Where is my phone?_

He pats down his pockets, and realizes that he’s already thrown his phone into his bag. He digs through various towels and bottles and pulls it out of his bag. Sure enough, there’s a text from Kuroo.

_Hey bb, sorry to cancel on u like this, u were sleeping when I left. Kenma called & is in town for a day, so I’ll see u tonight k_

Bokuto blinks. He hadn’t even checked his phone this morning- like an idiot.

Dammit.

He texts back _okay!! Have fun!!_  and flops down onto his bed. He toes off his gym shoes, and grumbles into the comforter.

He mumbles out loud, “Don’t even say it _._ ”

And the voice is silent.

* * *

 

“Hey!” Bokuto bounces a little, “How was work today?”

Akaashi groans, pulling off his jacket.

“That bad, huh?” Tsukishima says from the couch, not even looking up from his book.

“Everything that _could have_ gone wrong today, did.”

“Aww, dammit, Akaashi.” Bokuto furrows his eyebrows. “I’m sorry-“ He moves to pull him into a hug, but Akaashi holds up a hand-

“Not right now, Bo. I’m really tired.”

“Oh. Okay!” Bokuto blinks, and brings his arms back down. _I wasn’t…I wasn’t going to make a move…I just wanted to give you a hug._

The voice laughs, but Bokuto ignores it.

“Hey, cm’ere, grumpy pants.” Tsukishima says, and lifts up his blanket. Bokuto watches Akaashi’s eyes shine, and watches as he crosses the room, crawling underneath the blanket happily. They snuggle together, Tsukishima’s long arms drawing Akaashi in.

Bokuto stares, a wild smile on his face, because his boyfriends are so adorable.

_“You’re so fucking stupid.”_

Bokuto blinks, and then turns around on his heel. He furrows his eyebrows, and thinks _Hey, you. Shut up._

The demon brain. He speaks.

_“Can’t you see? He turned you down yesterday, and he turned you down the day before- and oh, look. He won’t even hug you today.”_

Bokuto stalks down the hallway, and into his bedroom, and thinks _No! he just needed some time with tsukki, its totally okay._

 _“Pathetic.”_ The brain says, but is quiet the rest of the evening.

* * *

 

Bokuto wakes up, and is alone.

His heartbeat quickens, his palms sweat. His eyes flicker; back and forth, back and forth, back and-

His lovers are gone, and he is alone.

Bokuto takes a deep breath. In, and out. In, and out.

 _“They left you._ ”

“They didn’t leave me.” Bokuto states, actually out loud. What a silly demon. Silly, silly. Of course they’re here somewhere.

He slips out of bed, warm toes sinking onto cold floor. He pats around in the dark, and hears distant giggling.

It’s easily distinguishable as Kuroo’s, but there’s more giggling- and Bokuto gasps. Tsukishima and Akaashi are laughing too! What a good sound that is.

He follows the noise, arms behind his back, a wide smile on his face. He loves their laughs. He loves them, he loves them.

The sound is coming from the bathroom. The shower hisses beyond the door, accompanied by happy laughter.

Bokuto swallows the thick, gross, sludge that grows in his throat.

They’re showering without him.

 _Well, this is okay._ Bokuto thinks, and turns around from the door. _I was probably snoring really loud. I’m happy they’re having fun!_ He wanders into the kitchen, and thinks, _Maybe I’ll make them breakfast!_

“ _Idiot._ ” The brain says, and Bokuto halts. Recently, the demon brain has been more active- Bokuto has been lenient. So he metaphorically stomps his foot to the ground, and says _L_ _ook, dude. You better go back where you came from! I may have put up with your bullshit in highschool, but I’m an adult now!_

The brain doesn’t care.

“ _They’re ignoring you._ ”

“No, they’re not.” Bokuto says out loud, and flicks on the lights to the kitchen. It’s sparkly, and clean, just as Akaashi left it.

“ _They’ve been ignoring you all week._ ”

Bokuto shrugs, _Ev_ _erybody has off days. It’s okay. They still love me._

_“Do they?”_

_“_ They do!” Bokuto whispers, with a smile and he’s definitely talking to himself, alone in their kitchen. Thank goodness he can still hear the shower.  He grabs the eggs out of the fridge, and searches the pantry for pancake mix.

“ _Then why are they ignoring you?_ ” The brain laughs.

Bokuto pauses, just long enough to think _why…._

“ _I can tell you why-_ “

“I know what you’re going to say!” Bokuto spits, “And I don’t want to hear it! I am not stupid, or ugly, or lame, or annoying. Well, maybe I’m kind of annoying, but that’s okay.”

“ _You can’t hide me forever._ ” The demon says.

Bokuto scowls, and places a pan on the stove. “Nice try. Bye-bye.”

The demon brain stops speaking.

Good.

Bokuto takes a deep breath, and beings to hum a tune.

That silly demon brain. Sometimes it’s quiet, sometimes it’s loud. It’s annoying, it’s controlling.

It possessed Bokuto all through school. Until he met Akaashi. Until he found volleyball.

Akaashi had told him _no, don’t let that voice get ahold of you, you are amazing, Bokuto._

And Bokuto believed him.

Silly, silly demon brain. It thinks it has control. Ha! As if.

But as much as he hates to admit it, Bokuto knows the demon brain well. It whispers to him at night. It laughs at him. It jokes.

The demon brain has a name.

Bokuto Koutarou.

* * *

 

He bites, and sucks, and kisses into Tsukishima’s stomach. It’s pale, and soft, and Bokuto loves it so very much. He moves down a little- he can see Akaashi beneath Kuroo, wiggling, and moaning, and it’s beautiful.

Bokuto has longed for this.

He hasn’t had much time with them this week- he _needs_ this. He needs to feel Tsukishima’s thighs shake beneath his fingers. He needs to listen to Akaashi’s sweet cries. He needs Kuroo to talk to him in that deep voice.

He presses a kiss into Tsukishima’s hip- he licks at the V shape that swoops downwards. Tsukishima’s breath is heavy, and his eyes are tearing holes through his head.

Bokuto loves it.

He slides down, and kisses the knees on either side of his head. He moves upwards, and licks up and into his thigh. He bites at the joint where his thigh meets his hips, and Tsukishima growls, “ _Bokuto._ Move it.”

The demon laughs, “ _He’s angry._ ”

Bokuto rolls his eyes, _N_ _o, he’s not. He’s just turned on._ He looks upwards- Tsukishima is naked, and hard, and flushed all because of him. Bokuto grins into his hip, and moves to press an open mouthed kiss against the tip of his swollen cock. Tskukishima is so pretty, so so pretty.

Tsukishima sighs, head tipping back into the pillows, a long leg hooking up behind Bokuto’s back.

Akaashi is making gorgeous sounds, and Bokuto can’t help but look up to watch. He can see Kuroo’s back muscles; the way they flex, and move with every thrust forwards. They’re grinding against each other, panting into open mouths, tongues tracing teeth, nails digging into skin. Its breathtaking.

“ _Bokuto.”_ Tsukishima nearly whines, and the elder jumps a little. Right.

He opens his mouth, and takes Tsukishima’s cock down halfway, just to test the waters. Tsukishima feels hard, and heavy against his tongue, and Bokuto moans, because it’s familiar feeling that he loves. He bobs his head just a little- pulls back, and then slides all the way down. His lips meet right beneath Tsukishima’s navel, and the younger groans, loud, and raspy.

“ _Fuck,_ fuck.” Tsukishima says, and Bokuto feels proud. Tsukishima is throbbing in his mouth, and Bokuto relishes in it.

_He likes it!_

Bokuto is more than happy to move his head, tongue devilish, hands squeezing at slender thighs. Tsukishima’s head has lolled to the side; he’s watching Akaashi and Kuroo.

Bokuto continues to suck, and bob, and lick, but Tsukishima is still watching them. It’s okay, Bokuto can’t help but watch them too.

“ _He’s disgusted by you._ ”

 _No he’s not._ Bokuto thinks angrily, and sucks, hard. He’s rewarded with a shiver, and Bokuto feels heat pool between his legs.

“ _He’s not even watching you.”_

_He’s looking at Kuroo and Akaashi! They’re gorgeous, how can he not?_

“ _If you were gorgeous, he’d be watching you, too._ ”

That hits Bokuto, hard. He nearly chokes, and instead speeds up his tongue, in an attempt to make Tsukishima look back at him. He licks down the side, placing wet, open mouthed kisses down to his base. 

_Look at me._

Tsukishima is panting, staring as Akaashi cries out, hips sputtering, nails scratching.

_Look at me._

Akaashi’s eyes are wide, beautiful mouth slack. He’s drinking in Kuroo’s face above him.

_Look at me!_

Kuroo is looking at nothing but Akaashi. He holds him tight, he works him through every shudder. He’s still grinding against Akaashi, hair cascading around his face.

Bokuto lets out a little whine, and slides back to suck hard. Tsukishima gasps, hands fisting into the sheets.

“ _Hahaha! You’re so self-centered. As soon as they look away from you, you get all prissy. You make my job so easy.”_

 _Shut up._ Bokuto thinks, and tries to focus on nothing but Tsukishima. He feels the thigh squeeze around his shoulder- he focuses on the tiny breaths, he rolls his tongue against salty skin. Bokuto glances up- Tsukishima is looking at him. Finally. Finally.  

Bokuto feels happiness swell in his chest, and he thinks _Tell me! Tell me! Tell me I’m good! Tell me!_

Tsukishima is silent. His glasses are still perched on his nose, and he’s looking at Bokuto- almost through him.

There’s a moan, and the eyes leave him. Bokuto is left feeling cold- but pushes the feeling down. This is fine. He is happy.

Kuroo is shivering apart in Akaashi’s hands, and Tsukishima can’t look away. Bokuto licks and sucks and bobs, but the eyes don’t return.

* * *

 

“Dude!” Kuroo nearly kicks down the door, “Are you ready for gym day!”

“ _Hell_ yes I am!” Bokuto yells and highfives him.

There’s a voice from the livingroom; “Can you two _shut the fuck up?_ ”

“No way!” Kuroo yells, linking his arm with Bokuto’s. “It’s motherfuckin’ _gym day!_ ”

Bokuto feels warm, happy emotions fill his chest. He loves Kuroo. He loves him so very much.

So he says, “I love you dude.”

Kuroo grins, and opens his mouth, but is cut off-

“I still don’t understand how you two get so excited about physical exercise.”

They turn and see Akaashi in the doorway, sleepy hair smooshed in odd places, too-big pajama pants pooled at his feet. He’s adorable as hell.

“Because, we gotta get swol.” Bokuto says, flexing his arm, and Kuroo laughs. It makes him feel really good; all the negative feelings- the voices- they’re fading.

Akaashi rolls his eyes, but gives a lazy thumbs up, “Have fun, you two.”

“Thanks!” Kuroo grins, and Bokuto grins back. “Do you want me to drive?”

“Sure!” Bokuto pipes. He’s just happy to spend time with Kuroo. He wants to follow him. He wants to be with him.

They talk, and laugh, and giggle in the car. It feels good. It feels light.

Bokuto wishes it could be like this all the time. No more work. No more stress. No more stupid demon brains.

The drive is short; they don’t live far from the gym.

“Oh!” Kuroo says, as they exit the car, “I forgot to tell you. I invited Terushima today.”

Bokuto swallows. He pulls an excited face, “No way? Really!”

“Yeah!” Kuroo grins. He looks happy, so Bokuto smiles. If Kuroo is happy, then he is happy.

“ _He can’t stand being alone with you anymore._ ”

 _Hey._ Bokuto growls as he walks next to Kuroo, hands tangled together,   _I thought you fucked off somewhere._

 _“He’s replacing you._ ”

_No he is not!_

A hand squeezes his, and Bokuto’s head whips up, “Huh?”

Kuroo laughs, “You’re not even listening to me!”

“Sorry.” Bokuto grins, sheepishly. “What did you say?”

“I _said-_ “ Kuroo bumps their shoulders together, “- that the three of us should go out and get ice cream after.”

“Dude, isn’t there some like, taboo thing about getting dessert after working out?”

“Bro, the whole _point_ of working out is to eat junk food.”

“Touché.” Bokuto says thoughtfully, and Kuroo laughs, sweetly in his ear.

Bokuto pushes down the demon. He tells him no- and focuses on Kuroo instead.

* * *

 

Bokuto sits on the couch, tired from work, limbs half-dead. His chest feels…empty, and his eyelids are heavy. He really just wants to cuddle up to someone, and sleep for the next six years.

The apartment is peaceful. Wind rustles the trees outside their window, and the radio plays distantly from their bedroom. Bokuto closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. The exhaustion trails down his neck, through his arms, and out his fingertips.

There are footsteps. Bokuto opens his eyes.

A sweet voice says, “Hey, babe.”

 Bokuto smiles; he opens up his arms, and Akaashi smiles back. He waddles towards the couch, adorably, and crawls into his lap- Bokuto’s heart swells. He pulls Akaashi into his arms, and grins into his shoulder.

“What’s up?” Bokuto mumbles.

“We’re going shopping.” Akaashi says, softly. He trails his fingers up and around Bokuto’s arms. Soft tingles travel up Bokuto’s veins, and it seems to evaporate his exhaustion, like magic.

Bokuto opens his mouth, to say _oh, when are we leaving-_ but Akaashi says;

“We’ll be back tonight.”

Bokuto freezes. He blinks, and blinks again. He scrambles to put his face back together; scrambles to look happy again.

The demon laughs.

“ _They’re going without you._ ”

Bokuto ignores the laughter. He smiles, “Oh! Where are you guys goin’?”

“Just to the mall.” Akaashi squeezes his hand, “Kuroo really needs some new jeans.”

Bokuto laughs, “Oh yeah? Are you dragging Tsukki along?”

“No, actually.” Akaashi smiles, and cuddles into his chest, “He wanted to go pick up some new shirts.”

“Oh, nice!” Bokuto nods. He waits, and waits.

He waits for an invitation.

_Let me come with you. Let me follow you. Let me. Please. Let me._

There’s a call; “Hey Akaashi! We’re ready to go!”

The younger calls back, “Alright!” He leans over to Bokuto, and presses a sweet kiss against his lips. Its warm, and comfortable, bottom lips sliding across the other. Its familiar. Bokuto falls into the kiss, completely, and utterly falls.

But Akaashi pulls back. He pats his thigh, and says, “We’ll be back soon!”

And then they leave.

* * *

 

Bokuto is shaking. He’s shaking, and shaking.

He scrambles into the bathroom, slams the door shut, and stares at his reflection in the mirror. Big eyes. Wild hair. He’s shaking.

This isn’t a big deal. This is actually a very, very small deal.

But he’s shaking.

That stupid brain. That stupid, stupid demon brain.

“ _They didn’t even invite you._ ”

“Shut up.” Bokuto growls. He reaches for the sink, and throws the handle on cold. He reaches forwards and splashes water onto his face, taking in deep, shuddery breaths. _Wake up. Wake up._

“ _They don’t love you anymore._ ”

“That’s not true!” Bokuto nearly yells.

The water drains down the sink, spiraling, and spiraling.

“ _They’re bored of you. You’re boring, Bokuto.”_

 _“_ I am not!” He yells. Water drips down from his forehead. It trails down, and across his nose. It pools, before gravity pulls, and the water droplet falls into the sink.

“ _Boring. Boring. Boring.”_

_Stop-_

_“Make them laugh, Bokuto. That’s all you can do, right? Laugh. Do it.”_

_“_ No more!” Bokuto shakes. “I’m an adult! I don’t listen to you anymore!”

There’s a soft, hissing noise, and Bokuto realizes that the sink is still on. He shakily reaches for the faucet handle, and turns the water off.

All is silent.

“ _Tsk tsk. You’re losing control, little Bo.”_

 _“_ Fuck off.” Bokuto spits. He grips the edge of the counter, and stares up at his face. Water droplets fall.

He doesn’t have the right to feel sorry for himself. He has three, _three_ beautiful lovers. They love him. They love him. They love him.

Bokuto is blessed. He has a job, and a home, and meals to eat.

And he’s not the only one with demons.

He knows that Tsukishima has angry demons that tell him to say mean things. He knows that Akaashi’s demons snarl in his ear, and tell him he’s ugly. He knows that Kuroo’s demons trap him, and make him feel sluggish. Bokuto isn’t the only one who struggles. If they can control themselves, then so can he.

“ _Hahaha! That’s hilarious. You’re not in control, I am.”_

_No you’re not!_

_“Yes I am.”_ The demon brain laughs. “ _Tell me. How long has it been since they told you they love you?”_

 _I don’t know!_ Bokuto lies, because he does know. Four days. Four days. Four days.

The demon laughs, “ _That’s because they don’t love you anymore, idiot._ ”  

They don’t.

Love you.

Anymore.

Bokuto is shaking, shaking, shaking, shaking.

His knees are week; his palms are sweaty. His heart is beating so fast, so hard- his chest is heavy, so, so heavy.

_I can’t breathe-_

_“Hahaha yes! Choke for me.”_

_I can’t b-breathe!_

Bokuto gasps, and slides to his knees. He clutches at the cabinet, and clutches at his heart.

He’s suffocating- there’s cotton in his mouth. He can’t breathe. He _can’t-_

No. Get it together. Pull yourself up.

_I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay I’m-_

Bokuto falls.

* * *

 

There’s knocking at the door. Gentle, soft knocking.

It raps once, and then twice. It waits, and then raps again.

A low voice, “Bokuto? Are you in there?”

No answer.

“Bokuto?”

It sounds fuzzy. It sounds far away- like someone is speaking through an old hand-held radio. The world feels distant. His hands don’t feel like his. The cabinet against his back doesn’t feel real. Is he shaking? Bokuto can’t tell.

“Bokuto?”

What is that sound? A voice? Bokuto can’t tell.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Another voice? Is it someone he knows? Bokuto can’t tell.

It’s fuzzy. He moves his fingers. Fingers? What are those?

The knocking, it sounds more frantic. A few more raps. One, maybe two.

“We’re back from the mall.” A different voice. Three voices? That’s a lot of voices. Does Bokuto know that many people? That’s a lot of people to know. How tiring. The muffled voice says, “We brought you food!”

Food? Is Bokuto hungry? No, not really. He thinks he threw up, maybe. No. He’s not hungry.

“Bokuto! Open the door!”

Oh. That voice sounds angry. But who is Bokuto?

There are voices. They speak.

“Akaashi, Bo won’t open the door.”

“Fuck. Do you think he fell asleep in the bath?”

“No, he already showered when he got home from work.”

There’s a curse, “Fuck.”

“I’m breaking down the door-“

“No!”

“Stand back!”

“We can’t afford to-“

There’s a panicky scream, “ _Bokuto is in there!_ He could be hurt! Are you that fucking heartless, Tsukishima?”

There’s a voice that screams back. Bokuto thinks that this is the first time he’s ever heard this voice scream before; “ _Of course I care!_ But w-we have to call a locksmith, or something.”

“There’s no time!”

There’s a cry. It sounds like tears.

Tears. Are those the wet things on Bokuto’s cheeks? How strange. How very strange.

“Bokuto! Answer us!”

Bokuto. Is that his name? Bokuto. Boooookuto. It sounds weird.

There’s a loud thump on the door. Very loud. Very scary. Bokuto jumps, and clutches his knees even tighter to his chest.

The thump happens again.

More yelling.

“Kuroo! Stop!”

“B-bokuto, just open the door.”

“Wait! I might have the key hiding around here somewhere-“

_Thump. Thump. Thump-_

A very loud noise. The door swings open, but Bokuto doesn’t look up. He doesn’t look anywhere, really. He just stares forwards, at the white wall, hands clutching his knees, fingernails drawing blood. He’s shaking. That must be this feeling. Shaking. It’s odd; his entire body shivers.

There’s an exasperated cry; “Bokuto! Bokuto!”

 Hands. They clutch his face, they turn his head, and Bokuto looks up. There’s dark cat eyes in front of him. They look familiar, somehow.

There are curses.

“Shit!” The voice says, inches away from his face. “Fuck!” Bokuto recognizes this voice.

“W-what.” The tall one stutters, frozen. “What’s wrong with him?”

A different voice- a smaller, sweeter one jumps in front of him, and kneels between his thighs, “Bokuto! Look at me, baby-“

He looks, but he doesn’t see. He’s still shaking.

“Guys.” The tall one says, “W-what-“

The one with the deep voice growls, “I think…he had a panic attack. He’s disassociated.”

The tall one is stunned, unmoving in the doorway.

“He…he’s had these before?”

“A couple times.” The deep voice cracks.

“Why-“

“That doesn’t matter!” The one with the nice voice yells, but Bokuto doesn’t hear it. 

There are hands at his cheeks, and a face by his nose. It’s a very nice face, Bokuto thinks.

“Hey…hey…” This voice is so soft, and gentle. Thumbs brush across his cheeks, “You’re okay. You know you’re okay, right?”

Bokuto swallows. What does okay mean?

The eyes in front of him are wide, and scared. The person says, again, “Do you know who I am?”

Does he? Bokuto isn’t sure. He thinks he might. This person must know him.

The person in front of him is shaking, too. That makes Bokuto feel better. He must not be the only one who shakes.

“K-kuroo, we need to lift him out of here.”

“Got it.” The one named Kuroo says.

“Alright, we’re taking you into the bedroom, okay?” The pretty one says, clutching his face. Bokuto doesn’t answer, because he doesn’t know how.

Hands reach under his arms, and haul him onto his feet. His legs are shaky. Really shaky. It’s odd. More hands reach underneath him, and suddenly he is thrown onto a back. A strong back. He knows this person.

Was he Kuroo? Kuroo.

Kuroo lifts him, hands supporting under his thighs. Bokuto remembers floating. He’s floating, and floating, until he’s on earth again, on something soft. Much softer than before. Much, much better.

And then, he remembers nothing.

* * *

 

Bokuto gasps awake, shooting up in bed, heart beating out of his chest.

His entire body is sore. He aches, horribly- it even hurts to open his eyes. Still, he finds the strength to blink. He looks around, and gasps.

Akaashi is clutching onto him- hard. He’s shaking, just slightly. He feels a weight at his left- Tsukishima is curled up around his left arm, their fingers tangled together. His other hand is gripping his bicep as if Bokuto planned to run away.

Bokuto sucks in a shaky breath, and feels another person breathe behind him.

Kuroo. Kuroo is the one holding him, the one with the arms around his waist.

The demon brain snickers, _“Welcome back to the real world, moron.”_

Bokuto jerks forwards, desperately, and the bodies around him shoot up.

“Bokuto!” Akaashi yelps, and nearly hops onto his knees, “Bokuto!”

“W-what-“ Bokuto pants. It’s hot, it’s hot. He needs air,  he needs to-

The arms around his waist leave, and Kuroo tugs Tsukishima away, saying, “Give him some space.”

Tsukishima struggles in his arms, eyes wide, hands clenched into fists.

Bokuto sits up on his knees, and pants. His face is red- they’re looking at him like some kind of broken dog.

But he can’t remember a thing.

Bokuto sees bandages on his legs- right where his shorts had ridden up. He looks up- he looks up into Akaashi’s wide eyes, and asks, “W-what…”

“Do you remember?” Akaashi asks, quietly. He reaches up with his right hand, and presses it against Bokuot’s warm cheek. It’s cool, and Bokuto leans into the touch. “Do you remember us?”

“O-of course I do!” Bokuto furrows his eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t I?’

Tsukishima sags in Kuroo’s arms. His face is the dictionary definition of relief- and Kuroo looks ready to cry. Bokuto swallows. _What the hell…._

The demon brain laughs.

“ _Boy, that sure was fun. Watching you shake apart like that. You gave over control so easily~ little Bo._ ”

Bokuto gasps, and throws his hands over his mouth.

_Fuck._

They’re all staring at him. Staring, and staring.

_They saw._

Bokuto is frozen, on his knees, body sore, eyes watering over.

" _Ahahaha, pathetic."_

He’s supposed to be the strong one. The one that carries them. The one that makes them laugh. He’s the stress reliever. He's  an adult now- he was supposed to outgrow these mood swings, these-

“Has he been talking to you again, Bokuto?”

His eyes flicker up to Akaashi’s sweet face. His features are full of worry, and it makes Bokuto feel like literal shit. He swallows, and then he nods, once. He can't lie to Akaashi.

Akaashi closes his eyes, and presses his face into his hands, “ _Bokuto._ ”

“Shit.” Kuroo sighs. 

“Who?” Tsukishima asks, eyes flickering between them both. “Who has?”

“Why didn’t you tell me, baby?” Akaashi asks gently, and trails his fingers up and around Bokuto’s neck, soothingly. “You know we would do anything for you.”

The brain says, " _Yeah, right._ " 

Tsukishima is still struggling in Kuroo’s arms, angry, and confused. He shouts- actually shouts- “Someone better tell me what the _fuck_ is going on-“

Bokuto jumps, and stares at a coffee stain on the bedsheets.

“Tsukki.” Kuroo growls, “I’ll tell you later-“

“No!” He shouts, “Somebody better tell me right now! What the hell was that? I-I was so f-fucking scared. H-how did he not remember us and j-just wake up fine!” Tsukishima’s voice is cracking, with anger, and tears, and Bokuto wants to hide away forever.

Akaashi’s hands bring him back. They tangle in his hair, soothingly, and draw him into his arms. Bokuto falls, forwards, and Akaashi’s long nails rake into his scalp. The demon voice falls silent. 

“Have you ever…” Akaashi begins, and Tsukishima stops struggling, “…have you ever felt as if someone else sat in your brain, whispering mean things to you?”

“Um…” Tsukishima blinks, “…I guess? Sometimes?”

“Bokuto feels like that all the time.” Akaashi says, and lets his nails trail down his neck. Bokuto wraps his arms around Akaahis neck- he falls into the attention, and focuses only on the soft hands, and the hum of his voice. Akaashi leans on the pillows propped up against the headboard.

Tsukishima swallows, hard, and it looks as if he’s really taking in Akaashi’s words. Kuroo lets him go, and Tsukishima is still.

“They’re really mean to you, aren’t they?” Kuroo says, more than asks. He knows the answer.

Bokuto swallows, “I…I can handle it.”

" _Hahaha~"_

“You couldn’t this time.”

Bokuto winces.

“ _Kuroo._ ” Akaashi spits, but Kuroo clenches his fist.

“What did he say?” Kuroo asks, and Bokuto sits up out of Akaashi’s arms. Right. An adult. An adult faces their problems head on.

“Bo, you don’t have to-“

“He said you guys don’t love me.” Bokuto answers, his voice surprisingly even. “He always says that. All the time.” _Amongst other things._

The room goes sickeningly silent.

Bokuto shifts, and sucks in a deep breath. He hates this. He hates this. He just wants everything to be like it was before. He wants them to laugh, and be happy. He doesn’t want this.

So he breathes, and puts on a smile, “But it’s alright. I’m feeling better. I’m actually kinda’ hungry. Do we still have food leftover?”

Bokuto moves to slide out of bed, but a hand wraps itself around his wrist.

Bokuto jolts back, and his head naturally turns towards the owner of the hand; Tsukishima’s gold eyes stare into him- they tear through his soul, through his mind. The demon cowers.

“He said _what?_ ” Tsukishima spits.

“Er…” Bokuto blinks.

Suddenly there’s a hiccup. A small, little hiccup.

They turn to Akaashi.

Akaashi is crying. Akaashi is hiccupping, silent sobs wracking his body, as he cries into his hands. Bokuto freezes- and the hand around his wrist disappears.

He sees Akaashi cry, and he panics, because _Akaashi does not cry._ He slides forwards, and places his hands on Akaashi’s cheeks. They’re warm beneath his fingertips- he loves these cheeks very, very much.  

_comfort him, comfort him comfort him-_

“Bokuto.” Akaashi cries, “Bokuto, when was the last time we told you we love you?”

He stares, and stares. He feels numb. He feels completely numb.

Akaashi is so smart. Akaashi knows his demon better than anyone else. Even Kuroo.

And Akaashi knows Bokuto. Akaashi knows that he counts every compliment- he mentally stores away every praise, every _I love you_ , and repeats them to himself everyday.

He does it to keep the demon away.

“Four days.” Bokuto says, “Four days, and…” He squints at the clock across the room, “Sixteen hours. Kuroo was the last one who said that he loved me, when he was leaving for work.”

Kuroo and Tsukishima freeze.

“You…” Kuroo swallows, “…you remember that.”

Akaashi sobs.

“ _We’re horrible._ ” He cries, “ _We’re horrible, we’re horrible._ Bokuto, I’m _sorry-_ “

“No, no. Please.” Bokuto swipes his thumbs underneath Akaashi’s cheeks, “It’s just me being dumb. Look, I’m sorry you had to see me all shaky like that- babe, please stop crying- _“_

“We…” Tsukishima begins, and stares at that stupid coffee stain, “…we ignored you all week, didn’t we?”

“No…it’s okay.” Bokuto shakes his head, “I totally understand. I just uh…I uh…I can handle it. It’s okay.”

The demon brain tries to speak, but Bokuto stays strong. 

“We’re the fucking worst.” Kuroo says, and digs the heel of his hand into his right eye. “We are literally the fucking worst.”

“No!” Bokuto yells, “I love you! I love all of you. I just want to be with you.”

_Let me follow you._

Akaashi is still crying, uncontrollably. He blubbers, “A-all you do is a-adore us and we c-couldn’t even give you the time of day all w-week. I’m so fucking sorry, Bo. I’m so fucking sorry.”

The demon brain. It’s shivering. It’s shaking. It’s screaming.

And Bokuto smiles.

He presses his hand up against Akaashi’s cheek, and leans in, pressing his lips against Akaashi’s wet ones. He wipes away his tears with his thumbs, and says, “Stop apologizing. I was never mad.”

Akaashi gives a short laugh against his lips, “S-stop, we’re supposed to be comforting you.”

“And we need to seriously apologize.” Tsukishima says, voice barely steady. “You’re always there for us. All the time. You sit with us when we’re sad and listen to us scream and you carry us when our feet hurt and you always work so hard and we totally took advantage of you.”

That’s a really long sentence for Tsukishima- and Bokuto feels tears well behind his eyes. He laughs, and presses his fingers into his face, “Ahaa, Tsukki, you’re going to make me cry! Ahaha…”

“We’ll be careful…” Kuroo says, moving close, “At least, I promise I will-“

“Stop.” Bokuto says, firmly. “Just, stop.  I don’t…I don’t want this to become some kind of Bokuto-Needs-Special-Treatment thing. I don’t…I don’t want that.”

“But we can actually treat you like a decent fucking human being.” Tsukishima spits, more at himself, than anything. “Fucking, dammit.”

Bokuto swallows, “Well…I’m sorry too. I know I’m really clingy. And I know that I should’ve talked to you guys if I felt…I dunno’…bad, I guess. I just wanted to give you guys space.”

The demon is squealing, shrieking, desperately clawing for control. It screams, " _No! No! They don't care about you. They lie! They lie!"_

Bokuto is surprised to see Kuroo crawl forwards, and wrap his arms around his neck. He moves to straddle his lap, and presses their foreheads together. Its warm, and intimate, and Bokuto feels like he can see through Kuroo's eyes, and into his soul. Bokuto stares, mouth slightly open, and watches as Kuroo says,

“I love you.”

Bokuto swallows, and Kuroo repeats, “I love you. I love you. _I love you._ Is that stupid voice listening? I _love you. I love you-_ “

Bokuto gasps, and tells himself _do not cry-_ but of course, he does anyways.

With every _I love you-_ Kuroo’s lips move against his own. His hand is at the back of Bokuto's head, strong, and the demon falls.

He falls. He crumbles. He’s forced away by Kuroo’s sweet words, and Tsukishima’s hands, tangling in his own, and Akaashi’s cries, desperate for forgiveness.

_They love me. They love me. They love me._

* * *

 

Bokuto is both physically, and emotionally exhausted. He doesn’t think he has any more tears left to give, but that’s good. He’s done with this- he’s done with stupid demon brains, and dumb self-conscious bullshit.  He’s tired. He just wants to focus on the good things. He wants to move forwards.

Kuroo is curled up in his arms, like a cat, thighs pressed against his own, arms wrapped around his head. He can feel Akaashi curled up at his back, as well as Tsukishima’s long legs stretched out, digging into his calf.

This. This feels like home.

He takes a deep breath, and is happy to finally feel at peace. He gently trails his fingers up and down Kuroo's waist. It's warm, and it feels good against his cold fingers. He slides downwards, and presses into Kuroo's tummy. It's strong, and defined beneath his fingers. Kuroo continues to sleep, hair smooshed up wildly, lips slightly parted. He's absolutely gorgeous. 

The demon brain is quiet. Defeated, for now. He’d likely return another day.

But Bokuto isn't battling alone anymore, is he?

Actually, he was never alone.

He squeezes Kuroo’s waist a little tighter, and is rewarded by a happy snore. Bokuto grins, and presses his nose into Kuroo’s hair. It always smells so good. It's not fair, really.

There's a shuffle; lips press into Bokuto’s cheek. Bokuto smiles- he can recognize Akaashi’s touch anywhere. Akaashi leans back, and settles down against Bokuto, happy, and sleepy.

Yes. This is home.

* * *

 

Bokuto half expected them to be awkward; he expected forced smiles, and forced compliments.

But that wasn’t the case.

Instead it was the little things.

Akaashi let Bokuto follow him around the kitchen. Tsukishima let him snuggle into his lap as he typed away. Kuroo stopped inviting people to their gym days.

Bokuto only wants to follow them. He just wants to be near them. He just wants to _love_ them.

Because they love him back!

And that's all that matters. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first part is just smut im so so o r ry, skip to the first pagebreak if u want emotional snuggling

 

 

The door slams behind him, and Bokuto sighs, sliding his bag off his arm. His body is sore, and tense- partially from the weeks emotional roller-coaster. The house is oddly quiet, but Bokuto doesn't even question it. It's typically quiet- Bokuto is the loud one, usually. He reaches above his head and pops his back before waddling into his bedroom. He just wants to change into some fluffy pajama pants, and raid the fridge-

But he hadn’t expected _all three_ of them to be waiting for him.

Bokuto gasps as there are hands- so many damn hands- pushing and pulling. He's shoved onto a bed, his body limp as a noodle. 

"Hey!" 

Kuroo has already taken the liberty of removing his pants, and Akaashi straddles his chest, unbuttoning his shirt.

“W-woah, guys.” Bokuto laughs, almost nervously, “Y-you guys could’ve had sex without me.”  _Not that i uh...mind..._

They look like monsters- desperate little monsters. Akaashi’s eyes are narrowed, and focused- Kuroo’s grin sly, Tsukishima’s face devilish.

Akaashi gives a little huff, and finishes the last button on his shirt. He pushes it open, desperately, and trails his fingers down the chest beneath him.

“As if. We waited _for you._ ”

Bokuto opens his mouth to say _but why-_ but he’s cut off, immediately. Bokuto gasps- there’s a mouth, wet, and lewd, pressing against his crotch. It mouths him through his boxer briefs- it sucks wet marks into the fabric.

Bokuto leans up on his elbows, and looks around Akaashi-Tsukishima is between his legs, looking up through his eyelashes. He looks like a goddamn incubus, hand between his legs, nose buried between Bokuto’s thighs.

"Er... m-maybe we should-" 

Akaashi hums, and presses his fingers into Bokuto’s chest, happily. His hands move over muscle, up and over his shoulders, and down his arms. He’s _worshiping_ him, and Bokuto’s brain has completely turned off.

Suddenly the weight on his chest is gone.

Bokuto has enough time to think _what the hell is going on-_ before Kuroo swoops in, and kisses him like he needs him to breathe.

Bokuto is totally down for this- curse him and his one track mind. He reaches up, and pulls hard on Kuroo’s hair, because he knows Kuroo can take it- and he does. He groans, and tips his head a little. Their open mouthed kiss is wet, both of them breathing heavily through their noses. Bokuto wastes no time- he opens his mouth, and welcomes Kuroo’s tongue. It traces teeth, traces tongue, and studies his bottom lip. Kuroo tastes like a Blimey Limey from Tropical Smoothie, and Bokuto can only assume that’s what he had for dinner.

Bokuto suddenly has a moan literally ripped out of his throat, and has to break away from Kuroo to breathe.

Tsukishima is so _fucking lewd,_ still kissing, and sucking, and Bokuto is growing crazy hard, ridiculously fast.

Another mouth- Akaashi must’ve gotten bored- because he’s laying across Bokuto, pressing kiss after kiss down the middle of his stomach.

Long fingers hook underneath his boxer briefs, and Bokuto comes back to the real world.

“ _Wait._ ” Bokuto says against Kuroo’s mouth, “Wait, wait.”

Kuroo pants once, before leaning back, and looking down at him. Tsukishima pauses, and Akaashi looks up, cheek resting against his belly button.

“Hm?”

“Look.” Bokuto breathes, “If this is about last week, I-“

Tsukishima rolls his eyes, once, and leans back down between his thighs. He slides off the last article of clothing easily, and Bokuto swallows.

“We just missed you, is all.” Akaashi clarifies, and goes back to sucking hickeys into his side.

This is crazy. This is absolutely crazy.

“I uhhn-“ Bokuto groans, “-l-let me-“

 _“You don’t deserve this-“_ The voice begins.

“Shhh.” Tsukishima says, soothingly.

“Let us do this.”

 _Don’t they know what they’re doing?!_ Bokuto thinks, panicky, and watches Kuroo lean down to kiss beneath his ear, once. _We usually do this to Akaashi, or Tsukki, or sometimes Kuroo. N-never me!_

“ _Because you don’t deserve it-_ “

Kuroo, of course, can read his face easily, and he props himself up to look in Bokuto’s eyes.

“Look dude. Your job is to lay here.”

“But-“

“No buts.” Tsukishima says against thigh, and Bokuto’s head flops back down onto the pillow with a _fwoof._

Kuroo follows him, and leans back down to kiss him again. Bokuto welcomes him, and tries to summon enough brain power to remember how to kiss back. Akaashi is so sly, biting gently into his hip, and licking each bruise. It’s a pattern; teeth, tongue, and a kiss.  It sends little jolts up Bokuto’s spine, and sends blood right back down towards Tsukishima. 

Bokuto and Kuroo kiss, wetly. They always kiss this way; dirty, and loud. It’s not like kissing Akaashi, sweetly, or Tsukishima, methodically. They just let go- all teeth and tongue and spit. They kiss, and kiss, drinking from each other, hands in hair.

Bokuto suddenly gasps, jolting forwards, and nearly breaking his nose against Kuroo’s cheek.

Tsukishima. _Tsukishima._

That little devil. Bokuto loves him, he loves him so, _so_ much- but he is raw, unadulterated evil.

He’s looking up through his eyelashes again, gripping Bokuto’s cock at his base, and drooling spit onto his head. He draws his hand up, lathering it in saliva, and slides his hand back down.

When they first started dating, Bokuto always joked that Tsukishima was a prude.

Again, and again,  Bokuto has been proven horribly wrong.

“Hah-“ Bokuto shivers, and stares down at Tsukishima with wide owl eyes. Kuroo gives a little laugh against his ear, and Akaashi grins into his stomach.

And honestly, Bokuto is impressed that they all fit on this bed. He needs to remember to thank Akaashi for pushing the whole King sized bed idea.

Tsukishima runs his hand up Bokuto's cock, and back down again once more, before clicking his tongue. Akaashi perks up, like a dog, and Kuroo looks his way.

Bokuto is instantly suspicious.

Akaashi smiles, and crawls down towards Tsukishima. He’s laying halfway across Bokuto’s hips, hands pressing into the sheets. He kisses Tsukishima once, twice, and then pulls away. Bokuto is frozen- he still has no idea how he ended up here. He doesn’t know why they’re even _willing_ to do this-but Tsukishima crawls downwards, and sucks an open mouthed kiss into his thigh as Akaashi takes Bokuto into his mouth.

And Bokuto has officially left planet earth. He’s gone. He’s hanging out on King Kai’s planet with Bubbles and Gregory.

That demon voice- Bokuto has completely forgotten about it.

Bokuto squeezes his eyes shut, and tips his head back, because _fuck_ they both look so good. They're gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous, and Bokuto can't stop thinking about how much he loves them. Their faces are lewd, and flushed, and Bokuto lets out a deep groan when Tsukishima joins Akaashi. He kisses what Akaashi can’t fit in his mouth, and his hands knead into strong thighs. Together they share Bokuto.

There’s a mouth, teasing, and deep, in his ear.

“Open your eyes.”

“I c-can’t dude.” Bokuto groans, and tries to keep his hips still. “This is f-fucking unreal.”

“You have to look.” Kuroo says, and Bokuto can _hear_  his smile. “They’re being so good for you~”

There are two little hums, and Bokuto groans. He's so hard he might actually pass out.

Kuroo mumbles, “Here, I’ll help.”

“W-what-“

Kuroo suddenly slides his hands beneath Bokuto’s back, and the mouths stop. Kuroo sits Bokuto up, and crawls behind him, settling Bokuto in his lap.

Tsukishima and Akaashi fucking _grin,_ and slide forwards to continue as they were before.

And there’s no way Bokuto can look away now. His back is resting against Kuroo’s chest, thighs spread- and Kuroo has the upper hand. He’s kissing into his neck, hands ghosting over bruises left by Akaashi’s mouth. He dips his thumbs into each hickey, and mouths against his ear.

“Are you watching?”

“I-I’m watching.” Bokuto swallows. “Fuck, dude.”

Akaashi has taken to an easy rhythm, bobbing his head, tongue wiggling in his mouth. Tsukishima is definitely content, one hand down his pants, his mouth kissing and sucking, occasionally meeting Akaashi’s nose with every bob of his head.

“Good.” Kuroo purrs, “So obedient. So good.”

Bokuto gasps, and digs his hands into the sheets. His body is on _fire._

Praise.

Kuroo knows what he’s doing. Of _course_ he knows. The praise. The dirty talking- it’s Kuroo’s specialty. Bokuto shivers, and Kuroo holds him still.

Tsukishima’s free hand is on Bokuto’s thigh, nails raking up and down, soothingly as he lazily sucks and kisses. Akaashi’s pace is perfect, tongue skilled- and Bokuto is shaking. There's no way he'll last very long like this.

“G-god.” Bokuto groans, head falling back against Kuroo, “Fuck.”

“You’re doing so good.” Kuroo praises against his neck. He trails his fingers down, and dips into his bellybutton, before sliding back up. “You look so hot like this. Normally you’re all tough shit and handsy and in control- it’s so interesting to watch you squirm. Why haven’t we done this before?”

“No idea.” Tsukishima answers, honestly, into the joint of his hip. Akaashi hums around him, and Bokuto actually cries out.

Suddenly there are hands. Long, slender fingers, that belong to none other than Kuroo- they slide up his chest, around his neck, and over his mouth.

Kuroo hums, low, and circles Bokuto’s mouth with the pads of his fingers. Bokuto is obedient- and maybe a little needy- because he opens his mouth, and lets Kuroo press two fingers inside.

His fingers slide against his tongue, and pet the roof of his mouth. He presses against his cheek, and back to his tongue again, fingers becoming slick. It’s wet, and dirty, and it’s definitely turning Kuroo on, because he’s hard as hell against his back.

Hell, it’s turning _Bokuto_ on.

But then again, not many things don’t.

Bokuto groans around his fingers, and sucks. Kuroo gasps against his hair, and shoves his fingers in further- Bokuto doesn’t gag, and Kuroo groans. He slides his fingers in, and out, almost mirroring the pace Akaashi has set on his cock.

Bokuto moans, _moans,_ and moans, because he might actually be dying.

He sits there, and lets Kuroo fuck his mouth- literally. There’s no other way to describe it, Kuroo is _fucking_ _his mouth_ , fingers sliding against his tongue. Spit is drooling beyond Bokuto’s lips, crawling down his chin, and he’s having a hard time keeping his eyes open. He breathes out heavily through his nose, and groans, thrusting up a little against Akaashi and Tsukishima.

There’s a little gasp, and Bokuto looks down, shakily. Tsukishima’s hand is down his pants, glasses pushed up on his head, face red. He’s breathing heavily- he’s trying, desperately, to press kisses and bites into Bokuto’s thighs, but he’s failing. He’s actually just groaning, eyes flickering between Bokuto and Akaashi.

Bokuto makes a gargled noise, and Kuroo pulls his fingers out, smoothly.

“Fuck!” Bokuto seizes, gasping, beneath three sets of hands. “ _Holy-_ “

“Close already?” Kuroo nips at the back of his neck, and Bokuto shivers.

“D-did you really expect me to last like this?” Bokuto sucks in a breath, and Akaashi swallows around him.

It’s too much. It’s too much. It’s too much.

“That’s alright.” Kuroo says, low, “Let me hear you, baby.”

“Hahh-“ Bokuto pants, “Akaa-“ He looks down at Akaashi, who has been nothing but perfect this whole time. He looks up at Bokuto and _groans,_ and the older seizes.

“Off, off.” Tsukishima says, patting Akaashi’s shoulder. Akaashi gives a small noise of complaint, but pops off of him with a slick sound.

Bokuto digs his hands into the knees on either side of him, and feels Kuroo grin into his hair. Kuroo’s spit-slick hand glides up and around his stomach, fascinated by the hickeys once more.

Tsukishima slides into Akaashi’s place, and swallows Bokuto’s cock down in one shove.

“God-ghhhf-fucking-“ Bokuto chokes, and Kuroo laughs in his ear.

“You two are so evil~” Kuroo grins, and Akaashi smiles back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Wow Bo.” Akaashi says, voice completely wrecked, “Kuroo was right, you look really good like this.”

“Fuck.” Bokuto can’t stop himself- his hips move up, and Tsukishima takes him eagerly, “Y-you guys are nn- _killing me-_ “

“Good.” Akaashi and Kuroo say simultaneously, and Bokuto shivers again.

He’s so close _so so so-_

Tsukishima pulls back completely, looks up at him through his eyelashes, and says, low, “Come on, Bokuto.”

And Bokuto’s chest swells. He gasps, and gasps, sucking in air, shaking in Kuroo’s hands. Everything is white, white _white-_

Kuroo and Akaashi hold him as Tsukishima takes him- takes every shutter and thrust- Bokuto groans, low, and Kuroo hums into his hair.

It’s life changing. It’s world shattering. It’s literally the strongest feeling Bokuto has ever felt in his _life._

He can only think about how much he loves them. He loves them so, _so so much-_

And he must’ve said that out loud, because Kuroo and Akaashi whisper _I love you-_   but Bokuto is too gone to hear.

He’s beyond King Kais planet. He’s chillin’ with death herself in the underworld.

* * *

 

Akaashi runs his fingers through Bokuto’s hair, slow, and steady. The elder is asleep, completely and utterly spent, his head in Akaashi’s lap.

“We…maybe should have waited to do that.” Tsukishima says as an afterthought. He’s curled up in Kuroo’s arm, sleepy, but happy.

“Maybe.” Kuroo admits. They  _did_ kind of jump him as soon as he walked in the door. “But I’m glad we didn’t wait.”

“Yeah.” Akaashi admits, and pushes Bokuto’s hair down. The gel has almost completely sweat out- now his hair is soft, and malleable. He pulls his bangs back, and smiles. Bokuto is fast asleep. “He looked so good.”

“So good.” Kuroo sighs. “I wish I could’ve ridden him.”

“Kuroo.” Tsukishima laughs, softly, and pokes his side.

Akaashi smiles, and looks back down at Bokuto once more. The room is airing out- the windows open. They can hear cicadas singing outside, and the cool night air blows in, softly.

The sheets are warm, and they’re all back in their pajamas, clean, and ready to sleep.

Yet they sit up in bed and watch Bokuto rest, curled up adorably, his nose pressing into Akaashi’s navel.

“He looked so happy.” Tsukishima notes.

“Well, I’d hope so.”

“No, I mean…” Tsukishima clarifies, “…he…he looked like he couldn’t believe it...that we’d give him so much attention.” He looks down, and watches Akaashi rake his nails through Bokuto’s dyed hair, “…I still don’t think I understand.”

“Hmm?” Kuroo blinks.

“It’s just…I don’t get it.” Tsukishima says, “I don’t understand the whole voice thing.”

“Ohh.” Akaashi says. He sits for a moment, before saying, “I think it might’ve been pressure from his parents, or pressure on himself, but…he’s always been like this. Since I first met him. Bokuto is really hard on himself.”

“You guys call it a voice, though.” Tsukishima blinks.

“Whether it’s his own thoughts, or a different voice entirely, it’s still the same.”  Kuroo says, and runs a hand up and down Tsukishima’s arm. Their legs are tangled together, and the blanket pools at their thighs. “The mean thoughts just seem to beat him and beat him, until he can’t take anymore.”

“That’s why he enjoys compliments so much.” Akaashi says, and Tsukishimas eyes widen slightly behind his glasses. Akaashi explains, “His coping method. I taught it to him…um…during highschool. I always told him to take the nice things people say, and repeat them all the time. I told him to repeat it, and repeat it, until he couldn’t think of anything else.”

Tsukishima stares at the wall, puzzle pieces connecting in his mind. Kuroo’s arm slides around his waist, and trails up and down his side, soothingly.

“I always kind of understood.” Akaashi says. “I used to hear things like _gross,_ and _fat,_ whenever I looked in a mirror. It never sounded like myself saying it- always like someone else.”

Tsukishima swallows, and Akaashi grins, “It’s okay. I learned how to deal with it- and I tried teaching Bokuto how to deal with it too…just…ugh.” Akaashi presses his free hand into his face, “I was such a fool.”

“We all were.” Kuroo states.

“No. I, specifically, was the worst.” Akaashi sighs. “I should’ve known. You can’t just love someone’s demons away. You have to deal with that yourself…all we can do is support him.”

Kuroo is silent, before he sighs. “He always goes on about being an adult, and dealing with it himself. I think…he thought the problem would just go away too. You know, because he has us, now.”

“So, what then.” Tsukishima says, almost rude. “We give him a pat on the head until he feels better?”

He knows it sounds mean- but his intent is good. He just wants to _help him_ , he wants to do whatever he can to make Bokuto better.

Akaashi glares, “No. We support him, just like we would each other.”

“Bo doesn’t want special treatment.” Kuroo clarifies.

“It’d be like you guys bringing up my body issues every five minutes.”

Tsukishima stills, quiet, cogs turning in his brain.

“Bokuto fights his own demons.” Akaashi says, softly.

Kuroo nods, and says, with a wink, “We just give him the ammo.”

The ammo.

Praise. Love. Compliments.

Holy bullets to fight the demons.

Akaashi smiles, and sighs, trailing his fingers through Bokuto’s hair once more. He studies his face- traces his fingers down his forehead, and across his cheeks. He lightly slides around his ear, and reaches around to support his neck. Bokuto lets out a little sigh, and presses his nose closer, right into Akaashi’s tummy.

“Ugh.” Akaashi blinks, and pushes down the knot in his throat, “I feel like shit. I don’t know if he’ll ever understand how sorry I am.”

Kuroo nods, silently.

Tsukishima suddenly hisses, “ _You_ guys feel bad?”

" _Shh!_ Your voice-"

“No.” Tsukishima says, angrily. “I…I didn’t even know! We’ve dated for how long and…and I didn’t even know he dealt with this! How many times did I hurt him? How many times did I say something that made him upset?”

Kuroo begins, “Tsukki…”

“No.” Tsukishima growls, “Look. I…I’m just going to say this now. I know I’m not the most heartfelt person on the planet…but obviously this was something that both of you knew about, and I didn’t.”

Kuroo and Akaashi share a look, “We…”

“I want you guys to tell me.” Tsukishima says, and his voice cracks a little, so he says it again, “I want you guys to tell me this kind of stuff. I want to know. I want to help. I…when I agreed to this whole thing, I knew it wouldn’t be all rainbows and butterflies and good sex. I thought about it. I thought about it for a _long time_ , because you’re not just dolls. You’re _people._ People carry baggage. That’s fine. I just…”

Tsukishima stops talking, because Kuroo suddenly presses his face into his neck, and squeezes him tightly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Akaashi sighs.

Tsukishima sniffs a little, and says, slowly, “I just…love you guys. I guess. Talk to me.”

Kuroo laughs into his neck, and Akaashi smiles, beautifully.

“We love you too.”

“Tell Bokuto what I said when he wakes up.” Tsukishima mumbles, “I’m not saying all that again.”

Akaashi and Kuroo laugh, and the mood lightens, soft, and gentle.

Akaashi says quietly, “I will.”   

Although, he wouldn’t have to.

Bokuto was already awake.

* * *

The front door slams shut, and Bokuto winces, just a little. Kuroo stomps in, throwing his jacket onto a chair, and huffing, angrily. Akaashi peeks in from the kitchen- Tsukishima is long gone, already at work. 

"Kuroo?" Bokuto blinks. He's got half a hotdog in one hand, and a remote in his other hand. "Are you okay?" 

"Fine." Kuroo spits, and runs a hand through his hair. Akaashi slowly recedes back into the bedroom- a smart move, on his behalf. Kuroo doesn't get that upset over many things. 

Bokuto rolls his eyes, "Dude, you don't look fine. What's up?" 

Kuroo stands there, and stares at a spot on the floor. He opens his mouth, and then closes it. He thinks for another moment, before he says, "It's nothing."

"Yeah, right." Bokuto nods. He gets it; Kuroo is still a little hesitant to open up to him since last week- as if he'd be a bother, or something. Silly, silly Kuroo.

The voice tries to speak: " _He doesn't trust you anymore-"_

But Bokuto smiles. He genuinely smiles, and thinks  _no, he just loves me a whole lot._  He grins, and says, 

"Okay. Well, I've got this sickass half eaten hotdog, and this really comfortable blanket. But, you know, only happy people are able to join me on hotdog island." 

Akaashi gives a laugh from the bedroom, and Bokuto grins. 

Kuroo stares, wildly amused for a second, before he gives a stupid laugh, "You doofus." 

"Ah, a smile!" Bokuto grins, "Welcome sir, to Hotdog island." 

Kuroo tucks one arm against his stomach, and the other behind his back, and bows, "Well thank you, good sir." 

Bokuto lifts up the blanket, and Kuroo crawls in, still in his dress pants and shirt. Bokuto snakes an arm around his waist, and tugs him closer. The taller snuggles in, just like a cat. 

"So, there's another rule on Hotdog island." Bokuto says into his hair, "You have to talk about your problems." 

"Noooo." Kuroo fake whines, and Bokuto laughs. He breathes in, deep, and comfortable. Kuroo smells so damn good. He squeezes his waist with his right hand, and is happy to feel a hand tangle in his left. 

"Is everything okay?" Bokuto asks, because he cares. He cares so, so much. He wants to take Kuroo's problems away. He wants to melt them into water, and flush them down the sink. 

"Just...stupid homophobes." Kuroo grumbles, "I hate when people use slurs. I swear Bo, I see red." 

Bokuto frowns, "Dude, not cool." 

"Right!" 

"Well, I'll have you know that Hotdog island is totally homophobe free." 

Kuroo laughs, "Dude! I'm never leaving." 

That phrase seems to ring deep in Bokuto's mind- there's definitely an ulterior meaning to the words, and it makes Bokuto choke up, for just a moment. 

_I'm never leaving you._

Bokuto smiles, and kisses the side of Kuroo's head, "Great! Because you're officially stuck on hotdog island forever." He leans in for another kiss, and Kuroo recoils-

"Ew!" Kuroo laughs, and avoids a second kiss, "Your breath smells like hotdogs!" 

"Well what did you expect?!" 

 

 

* * *

 

They go to the mall.

They go to the mall, _together._

Kuroo had to return all the jeans he bought, much to his dismay, and Akaashi saying ‘ _I told you so!’_

He _told_ Kuroo to try the jeans on, but Kuroo had said _noo noo, this is my size it’s fine-_  to which Akaashi responded _No! Kuroo, your booty will not fit in those jeans._

And lo and behold, a week later, after all the tears and drama, Kuroo tried the jeans on for the first time and:

The booty did not fit in those jeans.

So they trudge through the mall, Kuroo grumbling, Akaashi smug as hell. It's fun, and light, and Bokuto swings Akaashi's hand as they walk. They stop in every store- they try on silly sunglasses- they laugh, and giggle, and poke fun at each other, and Bokuto can't stop thinking about how much he loves them. This.  _This,_ is how it's supposed to be. 

Of course, halfway through their trip, Tsukishima complains  _my feet hurt-_ and Bokuto jumps at the opportunity to carry him on his back.

Because that’s what they do.

They carry each other.

Through ups, and downs, and demon brains.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmu on [tumblr](http://zanimez.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> You're my river running high  
> Run deep, run wild  
> I, I follow  
> I follow you  
> Deep sea baby  
> I follow you  
> \- Lykke Li


End file.
